I remember that day as if it were yesterday. That cold touch. I was in kindergarten and I had a male teacher. He was in his late 30‘s, early 40‘s. I recall jumping in and out of my seat, playing and laughing with the other children. He walked toward me and I began to settle down. I eased back into my seat. He put his hand under my dress and touched my inner thigh, near that personal place. I was scared. I backed up into my chair when I saw the look on his face. It did something to me. I never told anyone, not even my mother. What was I to say? I didn‘t understand what was going on.
This cold touch continued with a trusted baby sitter who was a child molester. He touched me in those personal places and told me it was okay.
Once, when we had guests at our house, one of the men kissed me passionately on the lips. I didn‘t know what to do, so I covered my mouth with my forearm. I didn‘t want him to kiss me again.
This cold touch continued with my aunt‘s boyfriend, touching me in those personal places. This time, I was old enough to tell. So, I told my aunt. She confronted him and he told her that he was only playing with me. What a liar! Little did he know that I was all too familiar with that cold touch. I‘m not sure if my aunt ever believed me, but I never saw his face again. This all happened to me before I turned ten. This cold touch made me cold. It was hard for me to have a relationship, to trust my heart with anyone. I often use this line from the Color Purple to describe how I felt. It is the part where Celie tells Shug that it feels like Mr. is going to the bathroom on her whenever they are intimate. That cold touch, when a man forces himself on you—no warmth, no love—only takes, it doesn‘t restore.
When I think about girls who have been raped and molested, girls and women who are prostitutes; and girls sold into sex trafficking, my heart bleeds. I am in some way acquainted with their grief just as Jesus is acquainted with all of our grief. This cold touch has lead many young girls down the road to promiscuity before they graduate from high school, in a constant search for love, for someone to restore what was taken.
But this does not have to be you, your song, your banner or your lot in life. You can overcome your past and have a greater future. What I know for sure about God—the God of Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, you, and me—is that He came to give us life and to ensure that we have life more abundantly. God can and will restore what was taken from you.
I have come to know God‘s love, and because of His love, I have been set free. Free to live my life. Free to give love and accept love. Free to fulfill my purpose and destiny, which is to tell young women like me that their life is not over. To tell them that they are loved, special, valued, and more importantly, they are purposed of God.
JL
This cold touch continued with a trusted baby sitter who was a child molester. He touched me in those personal places and told me it was okay.
Once, when we had guests at our house, one of the men kissed me passionately on the lips. I didn‘t know what to do, so I covered my mouth with my forearm. I didn‘t want him to kiss me again.
This cold touch continued with my aunt‘s boyfriend, touching me in those personal places. This time, I was old enough to tell. So, I told my aunt. She confronted him and he told her that he was only playing with me. What a liar! Little did he know that I was all too familiar with that cold touch. I‘m not sure if my aunt ever believed me, but I never saw his face again. This all happened to me before I turned ten. This cold touch made me cold. It was hard for me to have a relationship, to trust my heart with anyone. I often use this line from the Color Purple to describe how I felt. It is the part where Celie tells Shug that it feels like Mr. is going to the bathroom on her whenever they are intimate. That cold touch, when a man forces himself on you—no warmth, no love—only takes, it doesn‘t restore.
When I think about girls who have been raped and molested, girls and women who are prostitutes; and girls sold into sex trafficking, my heart bleeds. I am in some way acquainted with their grief just as Jesus is acquainted with all of our grief. This cold touch has lead many young girls down the road to promiscuity before they graduate from high school, in a constant search for love, for someone to restore what was taken.
But this does not have to be you, your song, your banner or your lot in life. You can overcome your past and have a greater future. What I know for sure about God—the God of Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, you, and me—is that He came to give us life and to ensure that we have life more abundantly. God can and will restore what was taken from you.
I have come to know God‘s love, and because of His love, I have been set free. Free to live my life. Free to give love and accept love. Free to fulfill my purpose and destiny, which is to tell young women like me that their life is not over. To tell them that they are loved, special, valued, and more importantly, they are purposed of God.
JL
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