Have you ever wondered why you are the way you are? Why you are so different? Why others expect things from you that you don‘t know how to give? Why they can‘t see your insecurities and your pain?
As a little girl, I was expected to have answers and to know how to do so many things. Others much older than me would tell me secrets and ask my advice. I hadn‘t experienced life like them. Why would they think it was important for me to know so much?
When I was five years old, my father‘s friend would play with me. He would touch me when no one was looking. Why did he think I would like that? He would say things to me that scared me like, ―You are not going to live long. I was only five years old!
My mother would trust her friends with me—male and female. They would grab me and try to touch me in those places that you learn in school are not touchable. I would hide from them for hours when my mother was not around.
Then there was my brother‘s friend. One day, he left with my brother to play ball, then he came back alone. My brother could not have known that his best friend would try to force himself on me. Why would this creep think I would like that?
The worst was my mother‘s lover speaking things in my ear over and over and over until they sounded normal, making me his, then scaring me and asking me to go away with him forever! Why did he think I would want that?
For years I asked myself: ―Why me? ―What is wrong with me ?
It has always been so hard for me to reveal the real me—to speak of my pain.
But I now know that I am beautiful, and I have learned to love myself through the pain. I no longer question whether I am worthy of love. I have learned to love myself the way I want to be loved. Also, I know God‘s love and His love has set me free.
The abuse I suffered did not erase my purpose. I have my very own blue print, and others are welcome to read my story and hopefully be blessed by it.
By Butterfly Wings
As a little girl, I was expected to have answers and to know how to do so many things. Others much older than me would tell me secrets and ask my advice. I hadn‘t experienced life like them. Why would they think it was important for me to know so much?When I was five years old, my father‘s friend would play with me. He would touch me when no one was looking. Why did he think I would like that? He would say things to me that scared me like, ―You are not going to live long. I was only five years old!
My mother would trust her friends with me—male and female. They would grab me and try to touch me in those places that you learn in school are not touchable. I would hide from them for hours when my mother was not around.
Then there was my brother‘s friend. One day, he left with my brother to play ball, then he came back alone. My brother could not have known that his best friend would try to force himself on me. Why would this creep think I would like that?
The worst was my mother‘s lover speaking things in my ear over and over and over until they sounded normal, making me his, then scaring me and asking me to go away with him forever! Why did he think I would want that?
For years I asked myself: ―Why me? ―What is wrong with me ?
It has always been so hard for me to reveal the real me—to speak of my pain.
But I now know that I am beautiful, and I have learned to love myself through the pain. I no longer question whether I am worthy of love. I have learned to love myself the way I want to be loved. Also, I know God‘s love and His love has set me free.
The abuse I suffered did not erase my purpose. I have my very own blue print, and others are welcome to read my story and hopefully be blessed by it.
By Butterfly Wings
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